Ed Asner visits WJM

Just for fun: an imaginary scene where Ed Asner visits WJM-TV on The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

INT. WJM-TV NEWSROOM – DAY

The gang at WJM-TV – MURRAY, SUE ANN, MARY, and LOU – are watching the news on a large monitor. The intro piece MURRAY wrote about actor ED ASNER, who is in town to receive an award, is just ending.

MURRAY Well, gang, I don’t think that was too bad. What do you think?

LOU It worked.

SUE ANN I don’t think it showed off enough of Ed Asner’s charisma: the twinkle in his eyes, his manly arms…

MURRAY The audience doesn’t care about his arms, Sue Ann.

SUE ANN (flirty) Who was talking about the audience?

MARY Oh, Murray, it was wonderful! I’m just so excited that Ed Asner is going to be on our show tonight! He’s such a talented actor…Roots, Huey Long. What do you think, Mr. Grant?

LOU I don’t see what the big deal is. He looks like a potato.

SUE ANN (appraising Lou) Potatoes can be very attractive. You can do so many things with them: Julienne…mash…strip.

MURRAY Don’t you mean chips, Sue Ann?

SUE ANN Potato, Potahto…

LOU Pipe down everybody, the interview’s starting.

CUT TO:

INT. WJM-TV STUDIO – DAY

TED is sitting across from ED ASNER.

TED Good evening. This is your newsman, Ted Baxter, coming to you live from WJM-TV. With me tonight is Ed Asner. He is in Minneapolis to be honored for his human activties.

MURRAY Humanitarian, not human! That plastic bag couldn’t read a cue card with his own name on it.

TED Bed Taxter welcomes Ed Asner to the show. (realizes he misread the cue card and read the stage direction). Welcome, Ed.

ED ASNER Thank you. It’s an honor to be here, Bed.

TED (chuckles nervously) It’s Ted. I can see how you could get confused. After all, they rhyme. I can’t think of another name that rhymes with Ted, can you?

ED ASNER (rolls eyes) If I think really hard, I might.

TED Let’s talk about your career.

ED ASNER Let’s.

TED How is it working with Johnny Carson?

LOU Why is he talking about another interview?

MARY I, uh, I don’t know.

ED ASNER It was fine.

TED I love how you introduce him. Heeeere’s Johnny!

MURRAY Oh my god, he thinks he’s Ed McMahon!

ED ASNER I think you have me mixed up with–

TED And that Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes! I can’t tell you how many magazines I’ve bought, and I’ve never won. I don’t even read!

ED ASNER (sarcastically) Really. I’m Ed Asner, not Ed McMahon. Mr. Ed Asner.

TED Now you’re pulling my leg. Mister Ed is a horse.

LOU Get him out of there now!

SUE ANN (slyly) I’ll get him, Lou.

LOU Mary!

MARY I’ll, uh, I’ll, uh… (gestures to the door & runs out. A few seconds later we see her on the screen handing Ted a note)

TED I’ve just been handed a note. Ed, tell me about your toots.

ED ASNER I beg your pardon?

TED Your toots, your toots! (shows ED ASNER the note)

ED ASNER This says to ask me about “Roots”. I’m done here. (takes off his microphone and stalks out)

TED (smiling at the camera) Our guest tonight has been Ed Asner. Watch him tonight on The Tonight Show…say, I never noticed that before: the Tonight Show is on tonight. Clever name! This is your newsman, Ted Baxter. Good night and good news.

LOU If he comes back here, I’ll kill him. That was a total disaster.

MURRAY And yet, I think it’s the best interview he’s ever done…

FADE OUT.

I should say, I did write this myself: I just had ChatGPT-4 format it as a script. I tried having ChatGPT-4 write it, but honestly, it wasn’t good enough…so I wrote it myself.

Join thousands of readers and try the free The Measured Circle magazine at Flipboard!

All aboard our The Measured Circle’s Geek Time Trip at The History Project (AKA Enwoven)! Join the TMCGTT Timeblazers!

Bufo’s Alexa Skills

This post by Bufo Calvin originally appeared in the The Measured Circle blog. To support this or other organizations, begin your Amazon shopping from a link on their sites: Amazon.com (Smile.Amazon.com)